been waking up better lately,
but i still have those days.
i have to remind myself
recovery isn’t linear.
it’s not pretty or presentable.
i can’t believe i’m thriving in this hell.
you’ve got an iron hide where i hold my weakness.
you’re taking advantage of my sweetness.
and i can’t say i mind, i’ll let it play out for a while.
your hand under my skirt,
let me be your muse.
i think this was supposed to hurt
but i’m used to being used.
i’m a hand grenade with the pin pulled.
i’m the reddened skin when the wind’s cold.
neurotic to the bone, no doubt about it.
i have this weapons-grade stockpile of remorseful feelings
that plague me daily.
they stick in my back like knives.
but it’s not a bad thing that i’m alive.
everybody wants me to apologize,
but i’m not sorry that i survived.
i keep a paper and pen
in the pocket of my shirt.
i am more than everyone i’ve ever helped.
i am more than everyone i’ve ever hurt.
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